By Nik Brunt
Mopar fans in the U.S. have been clamoring for news from Chechnya…any news. Sure, they say, you give us news about FCA, but we can go on the FCA website and get the same news for ourselves. True. You give us car features, they say, about Mopars that you see at shows. We can go to the same shows and see the same Mopars for ourselves. True. You give us tech features, they say, on stuff Ray Barton does. We can go to Barton’s shop and see the same stuff for ourselves. True again. But we can’t go to Chechnya, they say, so at least give us news from Chechnya. Well, dear readers, Mopar Action is one up on you (as always). Actually, we will be going to Chechnya—with the Green Brick, no less. And, you’ll be able to read the whole story in an upcoming issue.
In the meantime, here’s the news.
TheBruntBros (Niklaus and Wilhelm “Bill” Bruntczynowski) have opened a string of self-service gas stations in Grozny. “The Chechs (or the Nyas, or whatever they’re called) need gas,” explained Nik Brunt, “and it took a visionary like me to meet that need.”
“I mean, with everybody in Chechnya busy irritating the Russians, nobody took the time to sell gas. Look, I’m a car guy,” explains Nik. “And what’s the first thing a car guy learns—that’s right! You need gas or the car don’t go—right? Right!”
The Bros didn’t let a little thing like the unavailability of gas pumps stand in their way. (We did mention that he’s a visionary, didn’t we?) Well, the Brunts rounded up a fleet of old gas tanker trucks (“We bought ‘em ‘right’ on eBay,” says Bill). Then they acquired a bunch of 10-quart glass bottles. “You think it was easy modifying those bottles from quarts to liters? Well, let me tell you it wasn’t,” Nik complains. It took a stroke of genius to come up with the final element to make the whole thing work—a funnel! That’s what separates TheBruntBros from the rest of the world.
Nik and Bill Brunt kill the boredom of pumping gas into modified 10-liter glass bottles all day long by doing tuneups and occasional motor jobs on the Chechnya cars and trucks with unpronounceable names while the owners “fill ‘er up. In a brilliant economic tour de force, that even had Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin shaking his head, The Brunts lined up several tankers in a row and had a price war with themselves. “Gas price wars really bring in the customers,” proclaims Nik. “We may be losing money on each sale, but we make it up in volume!”